Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
