I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
