I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
