You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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