Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
