Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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