there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
