Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
