i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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