You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
