We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im part way to drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
