Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
