I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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