dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
