dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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