I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
