I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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