I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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