Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
