Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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