Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
