I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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