Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
