your thong is hanging out like whoa
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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