I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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