I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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