I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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