It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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