thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My balls are so social today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
