yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
