Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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