I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
