You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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