he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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