@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
