I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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