I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
