last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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