Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
