She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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