I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
