I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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