Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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