Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
