If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
