My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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