well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
