her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
