Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
