just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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