the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
