Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
