im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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