May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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